Editor,
An open letter to U.S. President Donald Trump
Dear Mr. Trump:
It is with little regret that we must inform you that your application to become our 11th province has been rejected. We understand that your unfortunate citizens clamour for health care, dental care, child care, a gun-free environment and other benefits that we, your northern neighbours, enjoy.
Frankly, our hospitals could not accommodate your millions of patients now being financially drained by your private system that leeches billions from those unfortunate enough to fall ill, have an injury or suffer a mental crisis. Our busy hospitals would be overwhelmed by the masses needing treatment after being shot, bombed or beaten in a country that, by constitution, enables citizens to tote side-arms in the style of the old west (that’s your west, not ours). The true north strong and free does not want bombs bursting in air, or anywhere. We prefer glowing hearts over a rocket’s red glare.
Certainly your cheaper gas gets enjoyed by those living near the border, but now that taxes have been cut we get by. Perhaps you didn’t notice, while quaffing orange juice, but our honking loonie (which matches your coif) is rising against your greenie.
We humbly suggest that you not feel slighted by this rejection. You can always apply to Mexico to accept you as its 33rd state. We note your bilingual affinity with Mar-a-Lago.
In any case you may reapply another five years. Meanwhile enjoy the tariff war you trumpet, inflation and other issues. And don’t fret over the increased cost of maple syrup for your crepes.
Canadian Representatives for Abutment Policy (CRAP).
Chairperson,
Jim Couper, White Rock
